Burl 6-25-2018
Today was the traditional de-bunking of the
President. It was quite a show. Here’s the actual plan as penned by Matthew
Owen.
12:00 noon
An ambulance (Bruce thinks it’s a limousine) with
sirens howling pulls up to Bruce Smith’s Premiere Financial office (725 6th
Street – Eureka).
The EMTs go into the office yelling for “Bruce
Smith”.
“We had a 9-1-1 call for Bruce Smith!”
They locate Bruce Smith in his office, strap him onto a gurney, place him in
the ambulance and drive him out to the Elk’s Lodge with the sirens wailing.
12:15 pm
We open the de-bunking meeting with Bruce
Smith being escorted to the front of the room still strapped into the gurney.
Past-president Dr. Kim Bauriedel comes to the front of the room with a heart in
his hand.
“President Bruce, you started your year with
a heart attack. Frankly we were all were thrilled when we heard that, as we
didn’t think you had a heart.”
Kim will go on with more about the Rotary
Club of Eureka having a heart.
12:20 pm
Past-president Matthew Owen will play a YouTube video of the highlights (blank
screen) of Bruce Smith’s year in Rotary and show a photo of the inspiration of
Bruce Smith as our Rotary Club President.
Matthew will announce that Rotary Club will
be black next week for Martin Luther King Day, but will be white again the
following week for Columbus Day.
12:25
Past-president Dennis Hunter will talk about the excitement from President Bruce
Smith’s Rotary project of the year, “Empowering the Next Generation”.
“It’s been a year now, so the Rotary Club
Board of Directors and the entire club membership would like to know what “Empowering
the Next Generation” project really is.”
“Will everyone who has had or will have a
birthday in 2018, please stand up to be recognized. For every birthday in the
room, we are going recognize Bruce Smith for $10, as our Rotary bank account
needs to be replenished after a year of Bruce Smith.”
12:30
Past-president Lane Strope will present President Bruce Smith an envelope from
Rotary District Governor Bob Rogers with all of the awards the Rotary Club of
Eureka won this past year. The envelope will be blank.
Lane will then talk about his thoughts of a
year with President Bruce Smith.
12:35
Past-president Hank Ingham will share his words of wisdom of a year with President
Bruce Smith.
“President Bruce Smith always shared his
words of wisdom with us. Here’s some back to you Bruce. Here are some pearls of wisdom that didn’t
quite make it to the meetings
“A fool and his money-Hey, that’s our ideal
client”
It is easier for a camel to pass through the
eye of a needle than it is to understand our fee structure”
A penny saved is 8 tenths of a penny earned: results are not guaranteed
and subject to market fluctuations.
Bruce occasionally used parables . this is the
parable of the financial adviser the client and the bag chickens. The advisor met with the client and noticed
client had a bag. “what’s in the bag ?
he asked. “Chickens!” said the
client. I like chickens said the advisor,
I could grow them for you.” OK said the
client “If you can guess how many chickens are in this bag I’ll give you both
of them!”
The counselor pondered a moment and said
“Three?”
The moral don’t let your financial advisor count
your chickens .
Another chicken story.
A
client brought a hen into his financial advisor. “I’d like you to take care of this hen for me
and give me the eggs to me to eat when I
retire” No problem said the investment counselor. He took the hen, pulled out a hatchet from
his desk desk drawer and cut its head off.
What did you do that for?” said the client. “Oh, that’s my fee the fund is front loaded”
The moral: quit while you ‘re a head
I’m not saying Bruce is bad at his job…
…but when I went into his office and asked him to check my balance, he tried to push me over
…but when I went into his office and asked him to check my balance, he tried to push me over
Bruce saw a bank that said if offered 24 Hour Banking.” But he didn’t go
in He didn’t have that much time.
.
Bruce’s wife had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible,
so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings,
she boasted to Bruce , Just think, we are ten dollars richer because I washed
this dress by hand. Good, Bruce quickly replied. Wash it again
I asked Bruce to buy IBM stock and he asks me for the ticker symbol.
Just got some good news from Bruce
…he told me I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for 11 minutes.
…he told me I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for 11 minutes.
Speaking of money…
Jay Reed, Rotary Club Treasurer will talk about how the year started off in the
black with plenty of funds… and now we’re in the red.
This may have something to do with President
Bruce Smith taking a few months off in the middle of his Presidency to go to
Uzi-back-istan to marry off his daughter. Rumors started circulating that
hundreds of thousands of dollars went missing from the Rotary account about
this same time.
12:45
EPD Captain
Stephens comes into the room and
announces he has a warrant for the arrest of Bruce Smith for embezzlement and
financial impropriety.
Captain Stephens handcuffs Bruce Smith and
takes him out to the EPD cruiser for processing at EPD headquarters.
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